Best Interests of the Child: What Dads Bring to the Family Table

Updated: March 8, 2024

By: Bijan Rafii, M. Sc.

Chair, The Canadian Campaign for Equal Shared Co-Parenting

Traditional parenting roles have been part of human society from early on and have evolved from both evolutionary and practical reasons in order to maximize the survival of our species. These early traditional roles necessitated mothers to be the primary care giver of children and manage the household, whereas men were expected to be the providers and protectors of their families. Especially in the early years, mothers have traditionally been seen as the more critical parent than fathers due to the magic of childbirth, as well as the unique ability for mothers to nurture infants.

Interestingly, recent research has shown men undergo biological changes when they become fathers.  While the biological changes fathers undergo are not as well understood (nor as outwardly dramatic) as those of mothers, scientists are just beginning to find that both men and women undergo hormonal and brain changes that herald this key transition in a parent’s life.  In essence, being a Dad is also a biological phenomenon.

However, due to a number of factors, women’s role in both housework and child rearing has decreased and their participation in the workforce has increased in the last decades. These factors included household technologies that reduced the number of hours required for household chores, the choice to have fewer children as societies have become more urbanized, women’s desire to more fully participate in the society outside of the household, as well as the notion of equality becoming more defined by equal participation of women in the workforce. Given the increased contribution of women to household income, there has been an equal expectation for men to also dedicate more time to childcare and house chores, a call which men have generally embraced (Bianchi, 2000; Guppy et al., 2019).

During the last decades, there has also been another significant societal change. That is, the very large percentage of marriage unions failing. The divorce rate has increased from about 10% in the 1960s to about 40% in recent years (Luscomb, 2018). According to Statistics Canada (Statistics Canada, 2017), between 1991 and 2011, approximately 5 million Canadians separated or divorced. Of these, 38% had a child together at the time of their separation or divorce, half of which were under 5 years old. Although mothers generally receive child custody, since 1960s there also has been a nine-fold increase in the number of single Dads in the society (Pew Research Centre, 2013). Divorce brings significant trauma for both partners. In a recent study, the second most significant non clinical risk factor for mortality was found to be divorce (after smoking and before alcohol; Puterman et. al. 2020). This is consistent with previous data which has shown that men who go through divorce have 8 times the suicide rate than women in the similar situation (Kposowa, et al., 2000).

The family courts and the society’s attitude towards fathers, however, have not caught up with the increasing responsibility fathers have taken in childcare and the new research showing the critical role they play in the healthy development of their children. In one estimate, only about 22% of fathers are granted shared custody of their children after divorce (Bala et al, 2017), although this number may be increasing (Bala and Ebsim, 2021). Custody is given to mothers especially for children in their early years. This is the result of the tender years doctrine where family courts are reluctant to give shared custody to fathers because of the belief mothers are more critical for the emotional development of children in the early years.

In many cases, another factor has been that a father’s less availability due to working longer hours to provide for his family is seen as a sign of his lack of dedication to his family and not because of his efforts to create the resources for his family’s wellbeing and for the children’s success. Moreover, once custody is granted for children in the early years to their mother, it is less likely for custody to be shared in the later years or the children be able to form meaningful relationship with their father.

Another trend in the past few decades has been children being born outside of marriage. Children are in an increased risk of becoming fatherless if their parents were not married and this risk has been steadily increasing. The percent of children born outside of marriage in 1965 was 3.1%; this number is closer to 40% in recent years (Wildsmith et al, 2018); the number is 50% for women who are not college educated (De Parle and Vavernise, 2012). When unmarried couples live together when their child is born, by the end of the child’s third birthday, 40% of those children will have no regular contact with their Dad in the next two years (Waldfogel, et al, 2010; Smock and Greenland, 2010). One third of children in the US live in fatherless homes (US Census Bureau, 2010).  Eighty-six percent of families with a step-parent consist of a stepdad and biological Mom (Hetherington, 1994). Although, many of the divorced couples may remarry in order to provide a stable home for their children, the divorce rate for stepfamilies is 50% higher than average (Mavis, 2002). There is also a gender difference in remarrying after divorce. The more a divorced man earns, the more likely he is to remarry. On the other hand, the more money a divorced woman has, the less likely she will remarry (Glick, 1980).

Why Dads Matter

Over the past decades, a great deal of research has accumulated which supports the critical role that Dads play in the development of their children and how their absence can prove detrimental to the chance of the success of their children in life and the cost to the society as a whole. Here are ways fathers make a difference in their children’s lives and how absence of fathers can severely affect their kids (please also see Farrell and Gray, 2018, for an excellent review on this topic and comprehensive list of references):

• Suicide: Children without a father attempt suicide at a rate 4 times that of those who live in father-present families (Velez and Cohen, 1988).
• Homelessness and running away from home: Ninety percent of homeless and runaway youth are from fatherless homes (US Department of Justice, 1998).
• Cellular biomarker for trauma and impact on the next generation: Telomere is a cellular structure known to be a biomarker for trauma, and predictor of life expectancy. It tends to be shorter in individuals who experience extreme distress and trauma. Children who lose their fathers have 14% shorter telomeres than their peers and this effect is 40% stronger for boys who have lost their father than their sisters (Mitchell et. al., 2017). Early life trauma for boys is also known to have profound impact on their own children, including white matter maturation in the brain (Karlsson et al, 2020). Epigenetic impact such as this is more pronounced for the boys given males only have a single X chromosome which makes them more prone to genetic challenges (Moalem, 2020) and these phenotypes are more easily passed on to the next generation by men and boys. Therefore it is very likely that the trauma of father-loss will have a negative impact in the long term and on more individuals down the generations.
• Crime: Boys especially do poorly in families experiencing parental breakup (Bertrand and Pan, 2013). This could be because girls’ social skills are better than boys and perhaps these skills help them to better adapt (Zahn-Waxler et al. 2008). Alternatively, this could be due to the fact that there are higher expectations for boys to succeed and not having access to their Dad increases the boy’s chance of failure. Not surprisingly, being Dad-deprived is the single most significant risk factor for a boy to commit a crime (Harper and McLanahan, 2004). Eighty five percent of youth in prison grew up in a fatherless home (US Department of Justice, 1998). Absence of fathers contributes to violent crimes as much as income (Smith and Jarjoura, 1988). Eighty percent of violent rapists come from father-absent homes (Knight and Prentky, 1987). Losing their father was the most significant risk factor for the boys and men who have been involved in school shootings (Wilcox, 2013).
• Drug use and addiction: Father’s lack of involvement is a significant risk factor for children and youth engaging in drug use (Coombs and Landsverk, 1988).
• Educational success: Having a good education is now critical in securing a good job and securing a suitable life partner, especially for men. Living without a Dad doubles a child’s chance of dropping out of high school after adjusting for income and race (McLanahan and Sandefur, 1994). It is believed that the gender gap in education stems from the boys’ greater vulnerability to father absence (Doherty et al. 2015). Dad’s involvement on the other hand, causes positive outcomes (McLanahan et al, 2013) including higher math scores (Christensen, 1988). Children in father present families have higher measured IQ scores (Deutsch and Brown. 1964; Pedersen et al. 1979) and higher college enrolment (Doherty et al, 2015). A recent University of Leeds publication using data from the British Millennium Cohort study found that Dads who spend minimum of 10 minutes doing home work with their children significantly increase their educational attainment. Although as similar effect was not found in Moms, Moms were found to make a difference in the emotional wellbeing of the children.
• Regulating aggression. Children who live in a father present household have a stronger ability to regulate aggression (Schore, 2017) and have fewer discipline problems, or other issues (Luepnitz 1982; Nordahl, 2014). Interestingly, Dads and Moms had the same impact on daughters but fathers’ impact was most significant on sons.
• Teenage pregnancy: Daughters who have a strong relationship with their biological father are at a much lower risk of teenage pregnancy. In a study of inner-city Baltimore women who had been teenage mothers, one third of their daughters also became teenage mothers. However, none of the daughters who had a good relationship with their biological father had a baby before age of 19 (Furstenberg and Harris,  1993).
• Poverty: Household income plays a critical role in the wellbeing of the children by ensuring the needed resources are available to provide them with positive life experiences, learning opportunities and maximizing success. There has been a correlation made between race and poverty. However, in a well-known congressional report on poverty, the main predictor of growing poor was not race or income but was being born to a family with no father involvement (Moynihan Report, 1965).
• Prenatal care: Generally, we are aware of the importance of the mother’s nutrition in the health of her baby. However, father’s nutrition will also have a significant impact on the health of their babies since a father’s diet, which is low in vitamin B9, significantly increases chance of birth defects (Lambra et al, 2013).
• Mental health. Eighty percent of preschool children admitted as psychiatric patients come from father-absent homes (Dalton et al. 1987).
• General social and Emotional skills: Toddlers, who have encouragement from their Dads, have better social and emotional skills twelve to eighteen months later (Daniel Paquette, 2014). In another study, children with their Dads were found to have more playmates (Pruett, 1989), a strong sign of being well-adjusted and confident. A particularly poignant demonstration of how badly children miss having a Dad is illustrated by the “The Saddest Boy Ever“.

Equal Shared Co-Parenting After Divorce Is In The Best Interests Of The Children

The phrase “the best interests of the child” is the guiding principle family courts use to determine the custody arrangements after divorce and has been the justification to limit custody to only one parent, mostly mothers. In addition to the studies cited above, here is more evidence from the research why joint physical custody (in Canada now referred to shared parenting time and shared parenting decision making) in the form of equal shared co-parenting is in the best interest of the children:

• General welfare: A meta-analysis of 43 studies concluded that children in shared parenting families had better outcomes on measures of emotional, behavioural and psychological well-being, better physical health, as well as better relationships with their fathers and their mothers (Nielson, 2018). Boys’ overall well-being in shared parent time arrangement were similar to other happy intact families (Pojman, 1982).  In a study of more than 12,000 teenagers after divorce, children living with single Dads fared better than children living with single Moms (Jablonska and Lindberg, 2007) in terms of displaying fewer high-risk behaviours. Other studies have also found both boys and girls tend to do better living with their Dads (Clarke-Stewart and Hayward, 1996; Downey and Powell, 1993) than living with their Moms in a number of criteria. However, advantages of father time are greater for boys than for girls (Farrell and Gray. 2018, p175). This is important since boys do especially poorly in broken families (Bertrand and Pan. 2013), particularly in single mother families after divorce.
• Infant development: Infants who only live with their Dads were 2-6 months ahead of schedule in personal and social skills (Pruett, 1989) and performed problem-solving tasks as the level of babies 4-8 months older.
• Having a relationship with both parents after divorce: Children living with their Mom are less than half as likely to have contact with their Dads than the other way around (Christoffersen, 1998). When children live with their Moms, the parents are nine times as likely to have conflict after separation as when their children live with their Dads (Christoffersen, 1998). Boys who live with fathers feel more positively about their Moms, but children living with their Mom are more likely to think negatively of their Dads (Clarke-Stewart and Hayward, 1996).
• Boys’ emotional development: Boys who live with their Dad after divorce tend to be warmer, have higher degrees of self-esteem, be more mature and more independent than boys who do not live with their Dads (Arnold, 1998). These boys generally have less episodes of uncontrolled behaviour (Nordahl, 2014).
• Ability to concentrate: Thirty percent of children living only or primarily with their Mom had problems with concentration versus 15% who live with their Dads (Pruett, 1989).
• Feeling like a victim: Children living only with Dads are less likely to experience problems related to feeling like victims (Christoffersen, 1998).
• Discipline: Single Moms are more likely than single Dads to let younger kids get away with late or irregular bedtimes (Coiro et al., 1994, table 16). In this study, 17% of children of all ages living with only biological fathers had irregular bedtimes versus 22% of children living only with their biological mothers. For the 3-4 year old children, the comparative numbers were 9% for children only living with their biological fathers versus 33% living with their biological mothers. Moreover, fathers are less likely to use physical force than Moms to discipline children (Christoffersen, 1998; Nobes, et al. 1999; Sanapo and Yasuhide, 2010).
• Health and safety of the children: In a national survey of children of all ages without chronic conditions, children who lived with their father had 32.7 short hospital stays per 1000 children versus 44.5 for children with both biological parents (Coiro, 1994, Table 13); the comparative figure for children who lived with their mother was 70.6 per 1000. Frequent headaches and stomach-aches are two to three times more common among children with only Moms versus only with Dads (Christoffersen, 1998).
• Advantages of the biological versus the step Dad: Although stepdads play a critical role in the success of their children in a new marriage, children with a biological Dad do better in terms of academic achievements (Tillman. 2007). Unfortunately, due to maternal gatekeeping and the lower status of the stepfather as the new-comer into the family, after 2 years of marriage, most stepfathers gradually become minimally involved, do not have much rapport with the children and have very little control or able to discipline their children (Morrison et al. eds, 1994).

The Expert And The Public Opinion

There have been a number of consensus reports where experts in child development psychology have given their opinions regarding whether children will be better off in an equal shared co-parenting arrangement versus in a sole custody arrangement (e. g., Braver and Lamb, 2018; Warshak, 2014). The consensus of these experts is that it is in the best interests of the children to be in an equal shared co-parenting time after separation.

The intrinsic value of equal shared co-parenting has also become apparent to the public. The latest Nanos poll shows:

• 77% of Canadians support introducing legislation for presumption of equal shared co-parenting (an increase from 70% in 2017)
• 90% believe that “children have the right to spend equal time or near equal time with both of their parents following parents’ divorce or separation, absent special circumstances”
• 89% agree with “that it is in the child’s best interest to have as much time as possible with both parents in instances of parents’ divorce or separation, absent special circumstances.
• 83% agree with “having a free vote in parliament, where elected officials can vote as they wish regardless of their party, on legislation which includes the principle of equal shared co-parenting of children in situations of divorce or separation absent special circumstance”
• At a ratio of 6:1, Canadian are more likely to vote for the elected officials who support an equal shared co-parenting bill.
• Strong support for equal shared co-parenting in this poll is consistent across both genders and geographic regions.

Shared co-Parenting -either de jure or de facto – is increasingly becoming the standard in  western countries including Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Belgium, France, Netherlands, and Brazil. Greece adopted strong shared parenting legislation in May 2021. In the US, Arizona passed “maximum parenting time” provisions in 2014, Kentucky adopted “rebuttable presumption” in 2018 which was echoed by Arkansas in 2021. West Virginia passed legislation for presumption of equal shared co-parenting after divorce. Florida and Missouri  are the latest American state to implement equal shared co-parenting in 2023. In addition, Texas extended its standard parenting plan in 2021  to a presumptive minimum of 40% parenting time.  In 2021,  a record number of 48 shared parenting bills were introduced in 23 state legislatures. Ohio- the fifth largest state-is anticipated to pass strong shared parenting legislation  with 61 co-sponsors. The US has an average shared parenting higher than Canada (22%) at 25% with 17 states exceeding 30% and states like Wisconsin, Oregon, Massachusetts, Maine with prevalence exceeding 40% (Meyer, 2019).

Equal Shared Co-Parenting Is In the Best Financial and Wellbeing Interests of Moms

A recent survey has highlighted the value of shared parenting for Moms as well. More equality in time-sharing single mothers have with their children’s father correlates with higher income and more reports of feeling proud of their parenting . A few survey highlights include:

• Moms with a 50/50 parenting schedule are 54% more likely to earn at least $100,000 annually than Moms whose kids are with them most of the time (with “visits” with the Dad).
• Moms with a 50/50 parenting schedule are more than three times (325%) more likely to earn $100,000 than single Moms with 100% time with their kids.
• Moms with 50/50 parenting schedules are more than twice as likely to earn $65,000+ than those with majority time, and nearly three-times as likely to earn that sum than Moms with 100% parenting time.
• 13%, or 1 in 8, single Moms have a 50/50 arrangement — and 98% of them are content with this arrangement.
• 51% of single Moms surveyed have their children 100% of the time.
• Equally shared co-parenting is popular with single Moms: The majority of single Moms, 53%, either already enjoy a 50/50 schedule or wish they had it.
• 9 in 10 single Moms say they could earn more money if they had more equality in their parenting time.
• Moms with 50/50 parenting time are 34% more likely (23% vs. 15%) to say they feel “awesome and proud” of being a Mom compared with Moms who care for their kids 100% of the time.
• About 70% of Moms who have their kids 100% or majority time feel parenting gets in the way of self-care, vs just 50% of Moms with 50/50 schedules.

Equal Shared Co-Parenting Reduces Domestic Violence

One of the concerns against Equal Shared Co-Parenting is its impact on domestic violence. Recently there has been great public awareness regarding this issue. According to the most recent report from Statistics Canada, about 2.1% of women and 1.9% of men in their current relationship in the past 5 years experienced domestic violence. If violence in the former relationship was also included, 3.5% of Canadian report experience a violence in a current or former relationship (about 60% of the victims being women and about 40% being men). There is currently no evidence that Equal Shared Co-Parenting increases domestic violence. On the contrary, in a recent report domestic violence after divorce decreased in regions of Spain where Equal Co-Parenting was introduced versus other regions (Fernandez-Krantz, 2020).

A More Progressive Parenting Arrangement for Canada Which Is In The Best Interest of the Children

Given the large body of research on the importance of both parents on the wellbeing of their children, the consensus of the experts, adoption of shared parenting legislations in a large number of other progressive jurisdictions in the world, and the overwhelming public opinion (both globally and in Canada) in the value of and the right of children in having both parents in their lives, it is time that the family courts and politicians in Canada to come onboard and institute a more progressive shared co-parenting policy in our family courts. Rebuttable presumption for equal shared co-parenting proposal, which assumes equal shared co-parenting in absence of violence and abuse as a starting point during the divorce proceeding, is now the gold standard in international equal shared co-parenting legislation and a good way of doing this. This proposal allows for situations where shared co-parenting is not in the best interests of a child. This arrangement also reduces the potential for conflict between the parents, as they no longer have to fight over the custody of their children, as well as reducing the usual high legal fees couples incur during the divorce proceedings where states what instituted shared parenting have seen significant reduction in legal bills for parents going through separation and divorce.

The data from jurisdictions that have adopted equal shared co-parenting  legislation is also coming out. A recent publication has compared a number of outcomes from regions in Spain that have adopted shared parenting legislation to others that have not. The study finds positive outcomes in all criteria, including teenagers (especially boys) displaying lower high risk behaviour such as addiction, as well as higher employment  rate for the mothers given they have more availability to dedicate time to their careers.

The Canadian Campaign for Equal Shared Co-Parenting was launched in the March 2022 and endeavours to bring about an amendment to the Divorce Act to implement rebuttable presumption for equal shared co-parenting (absent special circumstances.

Acknowledgment

The author would like to thank George Piskor MASc, SM, LL.M, P.Eng, Sherry Barna, and Julien Meyer, PhD. for providing helpful feedback on this article.

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