By: Paul Shearstone MACP, NLP/CCP,
Paul Shearstone is a recognized expert on Sales and Persuasion, a Speaker and Best-Selling Author of several books including, “Up Your Income! Solution Selling for Profitability” and “3X Sales Success! How to move your sales team to the top 1%”. He is a twice-certified Life & Business Coaching Practitioner, Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP) Therapist and, Psychotherapeutic Counsellor. www.paulshearstone.com paul@paulshearstone.com
You’ve no doubt heard the expression: “Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than opening it and removing all doubt”. Well, the same can be said for Tweeting.
Have you ever tweeted an angry response to someone and in time, regretted it? I’m betting you have, though you felt it was totally justified when you wrote it. Nevertheless, you are still left feeling like a regretful Twit – even after you’ve taken the tweet down. So how can you avoid this in the future?
Start with understanding this:
The written word
– bereft of vital nuance, tonality and visual cues –
often betrays the intended meaning of the spoken word.
Paul Shearstone
Simply put, it can’t be understated that whatever is written in a tweet, can be totally misunderstood because it lacks the important human communication-factors so necessary in clarifying the intended meaning. The science of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) posits that only ~7% of human communication is verbal, ~38% is tonality (how it is said – volume/intensity), and ~55% of all communication is visual (1). Other than writing in capital letters, there is about 80% of the integral communication-factors missing in only the written word. Eloquence is often insufficient in clarifying the intended meaning.
When I was a young man, my father said to me: “Never write anything and send it when you are angry!” He was right about the sending part but now, as a Psychotherapist, I believe there is cathartic benefits from writing something when you are angry. With that in mind, there are also safeguards we can use to ensure anything we send will avoid any unwanted embarrassment or regret.
- Write your tweet out quickly [angry or not]. There is no harm in putting into words what you truly feel or want to communicate. That is, unless you send it – so don’t – yet!
- If it’s written in anger, SIT ON IT! Wait a few hours or better yet, the next day. Remember my dad’s advice.
- Revisit it the following day when you are calmed down. With fresh eyes, ask yourself these questions:
- Is this still worth sending?
- What is the problem whereby this angry tweet is the solution?
- What is your intended goal or outcome in sending this tweet?
- If the tweet is sent as it is, will it achieve the outcome you seek?
- Does sending the tweet take you closer or farther away from your goals?
- Is it worth the energy and potential negative outcomes?
If you answer “No” to any of these questions, then my advice is “Don’t send it!” The beauty to this psychological vetting process is that getting your anger out quickly and in detail is, as I have said, cathartic. It can make you feel better and legitimately justified in your actions. Giving yourself time to calm down and look at what you’ve written through a goal-driven, solution-focused lens, ensures the best potential outcomes for all involved and often avoids any miscommunications, misunderstandings, regret or embarrassment.
The Bottom Line:
In a world where communication is instant and from a distance, the ease, at which it is to tweet one’s thoughts often proves too seductive for those who operate from a position of anger or misunderstanding. Reputations, family, friends, jobs, etc, can be lost in a tweet that fails to meet the rigors of the intended meaning or expected social decorum.
Just ask any Regretful Twit!
References
- Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. 1967).Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Counselling Psychology Vol. 31, 1967, pp. 248-52.
Don’t be a Regretful Twit!
By: Paul Shearstone MACP, NLP/CCP,
Paul Shearstone is a recognized expert on Sales and Persuasion, a Speaker and Best-Selling Author of several books including, “Up Your Income! Solution Selling for Profitability” and “3X Sales Success! How to move your sales team to the top 1%”. He is a twice-certified Life & Business Coaching Practitioner, Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP) Therapist and, Psychotherapeutic Counsellor. www.paulshearstone.com paul@paulshearstone.com
You’ve no doubt heard the expression: “Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than opening it and removing all doubt”. Well, the same can be said for Tweeting.
Have you ever tweeted an angry response to someone and in time, regretted it? I’m betting you have, though you felt it was totally justified when you wrote it. Nevertheless, you are still left feeling like a regretful Twit – even after you’ve taken the tweet down. So how can you avoid this in the future?
Start with understanding this:
The written word
– bereft of vital nuance, tonality and visual cues –
often betrays the intended meaning of the spoken word.
Paul Shearstone
Simply put, it can’t be understated that whatever is written in a tweet, can be totally misunderstood because it lacks the important human communication-factors so necessary in clarifying the intended meaning. The science of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) posits that only ~7% of human communication is verbal, ~38% is tonality (how it is said – volume/intensity), and ~55% of all communication is visual (1). Other than writing in capital letters, there is about 80% of the integral communication-factors missing in only the written word. Eloquence is often insufficient in clarifying the intended meaning.
When I was a young man, my father said to me: “Never write anything and send it when you are angry!” He was right about the sending part but now, as a Psychotherapist, I believe there is cathartic benefits from writing something when you are angry. With that in mind, there are also safeguards we can use to ensure anything we send will avoid any unwanted embarrassment or regret.
If you answer “No” to any of these questions, then my advice is “Don’t send it!” The beauty to this psychological vetting process is that getting your anger out quickly and in detail is, as I have said, cathartic. It can make you feel better and legitimately justified in your actions. Giving yourself time to calm down and look at what you’ve written through a goal-driven, solution-focused lens, ensures the best potential outcomes for all involved and often avoids any miscommunications, misunderstandings, regret or embarrassment.
The Bottom Line:
In a world where communication is instant and from a distance, the ease, at which it is to tweet one’s thoughts often proves too seductive for those who operate from a position of anger or misunderstanding. Reputations, family, friends, jobs, etc, can be lost in a tweet that fails to meet the rigors of the intended meaning or expected social decorum.
Just ask any Regretful Twit!
References